WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 9, 2017 | 8:00AM

Okay, I realize this may not be a popular stance but technology can go fuck itself. Too harsh? Not harsh enough. Isn’t technology supposed to make our lives better rather than sky-rocket stress levels off the Richter (off da Richter, off da Richter🎶) scale?

Here’s where I’m at; anytime new software, updated apps or better phones come out, my first thought is “..this will for sure make my life easier“. Next thing I know, I’m having a full on screaming match with Siri, “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME? BOW DOWN TO YOUR MASTER”. She never does. This past weekend, my website was down for 3 days because I updated the software. An update I was told I needed, btw. Isn’t an update an improvement? I’m now conditioned to be scared of updates. Built-in obsolescence from just another company “out to get us”. That can’t be a healthy way of thinking but I know I’m not alone. How many of you are reading this on an older iOS version because you think if you update to the current version, you’ll need a new phone? Shouldn’t updates cause excitement and not angry mobs of cynics?

That’s just the software part. The same goes for the hardware. Things used to be simpler, just a few years ago (how old am I? yeesh). Someone called you, if you didn’t pick up, they left a message and you returned the call at your convenience. Now, someone texts you *first*, if they don’t get a reply within 4 minutes, they will text you again. Then again and again. The next step, they call and leave a voicemail, a Facebook message then a worried email. It’s too much. There’s an expectation of immediacy. Everyone expects everyone to be available at all times, right away, or something is severely wrong. And, it doesn’t help that our phones will rat us out the second we open a message. Right away, your phone to the other person: “your message was read at 9:23am, btw”, then your phone comes back to you “I told them that you read the message at 9:23, it’s out there now, you better reply if you don’t want them to think you’re in the hospital”. You’re *my* phone. Aren’t you supposed to be on *my* side. Feel free to leave some details out.

I long for the days of only having to worry about how much kerosene is in the lamp and avoid getting Polio.

Julien

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